At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
