you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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