she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
