I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
