Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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