The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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