..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she pinky promised me she was 18
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
