Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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