he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
