The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
