oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I lost the right to judge tonight
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
