i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
