There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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