she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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