You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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