David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
