whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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