And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
