dude i'm inner monologue high
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
