its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
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Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
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He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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