I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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