i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
