You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
