i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
