If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
