Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
