tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
