I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
