I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize