brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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