I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
