I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
