maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
