Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
