oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
