They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize