You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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