I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
