for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
