Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
