You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
