I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
