all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
