Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
you will always have a special place in my vag
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
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