I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
