and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
