I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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