Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
