So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Duck Duck Cougar?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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