You can't special order awesome
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
