Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
