I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
