I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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