i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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