Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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