Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
