Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
