I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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