i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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