You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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