God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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