I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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