If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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