69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
