Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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