Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
