You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
