Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
