the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
