I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
