Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
